Hey, Tough Guy...

RIP Joao Carvalho (1988-2016)

28 years old. Gone. Just like that. On the surface this fight didn't appear to be anywhere near as brutal as the average UFC match. Certainly wasn't the MMA version of Arturo "Thunder" Gatti Vs. Irish Mickey Ward. And if it didn't look like much, that's because it really doesn't take much.

Look, this isn't gonna be a piece where I talk about the dangers of mixed martial arts considering every single one of these athletes is trained in the art of self defense. No athlete in any sport is more prepared to defend themselves than these guys are. I'm not gonna get up on my soap box and start calling for the sport to be banned by labeling it "human cock fighting" or anything like that. I'll leave that for the hypersensitive whiner crowd. I'm writing this right now because I want people to watch the fight posted above and think about what I'm about to tell you.

All you wannabe tough guys out there, I'm talking to you. The next time you're at the bar, acting like a neanderthal and trying to impress your ugly girlfriend by beating the shit out of that one guy (who probably deserved it), the mouthy prick who had way too much to drink and all of sudden thinks he's Mighty Joe Young...

Think about Joao Carvalho. This guy was a professional fighter, trained in the art of self defense, lost his life after taking what appeared to be a few seemingly harmless shots to the melon.

Walk away, man. Walk. Away. 

I know it feels good to be out on the street with your boys, the world beater that you are, and caving some dudes face in probably sends a real charge up your ass, doesn't it? Validates your "street cred". Makes you feel like a man again. I bet all your buddies go home and have a big circle jerk about how they wouldn't mess with you. A tough guy. With your tough chain.

A Real Tough Guy

I get that. I'd ask you one question right now if I didn't already have the answer, but I'll ask it anyway.

"Was it worth it?"

When you're tuning that guy up, sure, you might feel an overwhelming sense of control. Kicking his ass the way you are. But I'll guarantee you right now there's one thing you have no control over and that's just how extensive a brain injury can be. Everything that led up to your chicken shit little sparring session cannot prepare you for that.

Think about it. While you're pounding on your chest with "Jane" standing nearby, and she's thinking how proud she is that she's finally found a real man who can protect her, ready to hand you a banana, think about how you're only one good clean shot away from tagging that drunk asshole on the buzzer, him falling backwards and hitting his head on the concrete. And guess what, hero? You aren't winning any championship belts for that. You aren't winning a UFC contract. You aren't winning but a god damn thing outside of a manslaughter charge.

Congratulations, dip shit. See you in 4-7 years. Don't drop the soap.

And again, it doesn't take much. It really doesn't. Watch the video, tough guy. Watch the video and tell me Joao Carvalho was taking such a brutal beating that the referee should have stopped that fight long before it was over.

You can't.

Yet you're out there every Friday night, one side ways look away from risking it all because you think you're bullet proof when in reality, you're just a big buff hairy dick head with a brain the size of a peanut. Lets stop kidding ourselves, Nate Diaz. You'll never "read the room" or even consider the end result for a trained professional like Joao Carvalho, because at the end of the day, machismo is way more important to you than using your brain ever was. Sure, when it's all over you still may be the toughest dude on the block, but until you learn to walk away, you'll always be dumber than a fuckin' rock.

When you make the choice of turning the other cheek and diffusing the situation by walking away, maybe that drunk guy who was about to get his ass kicked will view you as a coward, he might even call you a "pussy" out loud and then Jane won't want to fuck you anymore, but I'll tell you this right now, I'd rather be an intelligent pussy than a dumb convict.

Think about it, tough guy. And stay off the internet.

Christ.